THE ART OF SURRENDER & WHAT IT MEANS – to me ;)
Hard to believe it’s June and we’ve arrived at the half way mark already. Where did the time go?!
For most of this year I’ve been in a place of limbo…suspended in time. There’s been so much going on and yet nothing much has happened at the same time.
Instead of getting all flustered and overwhelmed (hello anxiety!) and start pushing to finish ALL those projects that need to be done – I had to totally surrender.
Well basically or truthfully I haven’t been able to do much else – no matter how hard I’ve tried.
It’s definitely been a time of introspection. And learning. And of realisation. But mostly it’s been a time for deep inner work. And release. And decluttering. I also know there’s a lot of upper limit issues needed to be worked on. And self belief. The lack there of.
I’ve had to accept that ALL I had planned for this year might not eventuate. But in a way – lots of BIG things have already happened. Maybe not in a business kind of way that I would have hoped, but more personal awakening and growth, which has turned out to be more enriching than anything else I could ever have wished for.
LIVING IN THE MOMENT
A couple of events this past few months has made me realise and I truly FEEL this with my whole being for the first time in my life, that the only thing that actually matters is the here and NOW. The present. The moments. My family. Friends. Is all that I truly NEED.
Because of this I’ve especially been more aware of the present moments. And recently much of my life has been taking place away from social media & biz building. REAL life. Reality.
And it’s come to my understanding – that it’s one of the things that’s always eluded me.
The present moment.
Could never quite grasp the concept. Because in my mind, the only way to get there was to plan and scheme and look to the future – where the possibilities lay.
Because that’s where I needed to be – to be successful to be WHO I wanted to be.
So the present moments have all but been fleeting and I have difficulty remembering moments from my past because I was rarely present in them. Which is really heartbreaking…
These past couple of months have been amazing. Participating in the magic that life is – right now.
Capturing moments and living within them.
But for some reason, it’s also meant I haven’t been able to write or create much.
Because it’s been all consuming.
Because I’ve been exhausted.
Because I’ve had another episode of CFS/ME.
Because of the brain fog. I have had difficulty concentrating. And creating and writing.
and because of that I’ve been paralysed from comparisonities….over and over again.
And also because I’m changing. Because I’m not sure where I’m going or headed. With anything.
But mainly because I’m right here, showing up the best I can, and that is enough right now.
Because the best I’ve been able to manage lately is looking after myself and my immidate family and my household.
My energy has been limited but for the first time I’m not freaking out for not being able to produce, create and manage all the things that are swirling in my head or written on paper notes. Or post on social media or pushing to finish projects.
The thing is – it’ll all just have to wait. And if it doesn’t, then maybe it wasn’t for me. But I know it will all work out. I trust my intuition (for the first time) to just surrender. To let things be for now. To let some things go.
SURRENDERING TO THE UNKNOWN
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to head to the beach with my family. The most magical day. Autumn weather so perfect. The water was unusually calm and not too cold.
I let my body float through the small waves, for minutes on end, until a big wave came. And it was the most magical feeling. That of being held up by a body of water – trusting and just letting go of any fear.
In today’s mornings meditation I went back to that experience. The feeling of surrender and floating. That’s how we need to approach life. I believe that is where the true magic lays.
In the moments of surrender and trust.
When I feel a moment of anxiety of not being enough or doing enough, I’ll go back to that memory. Those moments of being present. Of floating. Of moments of stillness. And let life carry me. Without resisting it.
REWRITING MY STORY
And I’m finally ready to rewrite the stories and self belief’s I’ve let rule my life experiences.
Instead of chastising myself. I’m learning to love myself.
Instead of repeating negative experiences and beliefs I’m letting those go and replacing with love and full on support for me.
I’ve been doing a lot of inner child work. That’s another post but wow it’s massive. And I believe it’s been a big one in changing that inner feeling of inadequacy and not enoughness.
I’m also learning that maybe I’m not as broken as I’ve thought all these years. Maybe I don’t need any more fixing. I’m starting to believe that maybe now….I’m actually ok the way I am. And enough.
So if you are feeling exhausted or as if you’re in limbo or not sure what direction to go in. Or if you’re feeling not enough or that you’re someone that you need to constantly fix. Take a minute.
Put your hand on your heart. Connect for a moment with your inner child. She’s always within you waiting for your acknowledgment.
See her as you were in your younger years. Let her know she’s ok. Tell her you love her. That you forgive her. Tell her that she is amazing. And that you’ve got her – that you’re gonna be there for her the whole way.
Grab her hand and surrender to the unknown. Just float for a bit. Close your eyes and breathe. Trusting that all that you are is enough.